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Do you like the phrases and thoughts in the blog?

Here are some stuff i thought of :slow: hope you like them :D
How to annoy people on MSN/Yahoo messanger:

1- When you first sign in, send a message to all: I'm here!

2- Start your greeting sentence with OH HI HI.

3- Sign out then in every 10 minutes. 

4- Buzz/nudge them, if they wonder say: just checking u still here.

5- Finish every sentence with LOL

6- Make your status: very very busy, please do not disturb, I'm watching a movie.

7- Make your status:"Be Right Back"....and leave it..for days.

8 -Ask people: Do you want to hear a very sad disturbing thing that happened today.

9- After each message they send u, say: go on.

10- Send an emotion with every single sentence.

11- Ignore their messages. (then send an email wondering how come they see u online and don't say hi)

12- Select all your online friends and add them to a conference. If anybody wondered, say: It's about time my friends meet each other.

13- Break your sentence in the wrong places. "It was" "a mess", i didn't" "know what to say to" "them" "so I let her do" "all the talking,LOL"

14- Before you sign out send a message to all: I'm leaving.

How to annoy ppl on Facebook:
1- Update your status every 10 minutes.

2- Write a very long note about your personal dreams and tag everyone.

3- When you are tagged in a very long note, just click..."like".

4- Go to people's walls and write a dot. "."

5- Go to strangers profiles and write on their wall: Hi I don't know you so I hope you won't mind not adding you.

6- Remember those who added you but never introduced themselves and never replied to your hello nice to meet, go to their wall and write: Hi since I don't know you I hope you won't mind deleting you.

7- Comment on every status with: Yeah right!

8- Go to strangers' profiles and add them, then delete them after they accept.

9- Add strangers and explain you need ur friend list to reach 999.

10- After you finish with any quiz post the results in your status.

11- Comment on every quiz result with: Whatever!

12- Do you see the friend on the right of ur page that facebook suggested and insisted u add as a friend, send them a message saying: Hi look you seem nice and all, but would you please tell facebook no thanks.

13- Post as many pictures for yourself as you can, then click ..."like" on each.
How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM.
1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away

How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM

1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake
25. Drive on.
English professor wrote the words:

"A woman without her man is nothing"

on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote:

"A woman, without her man, is nothing."

All the females in the class wrote:

"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

is that not what we all want?
Then, why are so many people unhappy?
Are you happy?
What makes you happy?
A new car,
a more expensive one than the one of the neighbor?
A big house,
fully furnished?
A big screen TV,
the latest cell phone
with all the gadgets?
Approval of other people?
All these things can make you happy,
yes, but temporarily.
When the satisfaction is over,
you need another gadget,
another approval
to bet more happiness.
It never ends,

the continuous running after happiness.
Wanting ever more,
never enough, especially of money.
Take a distance from it all,
and look at yourself.
You buy a gadget
because you are not happy.
Aside from a necessity,
you buy all those things,
because you want to buy happiness.
But this is not real happiness.
It is a fleeting superficial moment.
And then it is gone,
and you have to buy more of it.
It is a self limited point of view:
the world is there to make me happy.
A one direction flow of energy:
only towards yourself.
If everybody does that,
that is a lot of tugging of energy
towards all those desperate beings
who want happiness only for themselves.
That makes the world
a place full of unhappy beings.

Do you see the point?
True and enduring happiness
comes from making other people happy.

This is the key!
When you make another person happy,
does that make you happy?

It is a feeling that lasts.
And, the other person is going to be motivated
to return that wonderful gesture,
and make you happy too.
When you only take
you lose.
When you give
you receive.
It's that simple.
Start giving!

One more thing:
happiness is in the here and now,
you create it in yourself,
by being happy with what you have.
When you look for happiness outside yourself,
in all those gadgets
in the approval,
happiness will always be in the future,
and you will never be happy in the present.
Look within yourself,
in the here and now,
it is right there:

A young man reported for his first day of work at a supermarket.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said,

"Your first job will be to sweep out the store."

"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager.

"Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how."
I have found this posted on a forum. Really funny, it made me laugh while alone :D

These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts',and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.______ _________ _________ _________ ____

___________ _________ _________ _______

ATTORNEY : When is your birthday?
WITNESS : July 18th.
ATTORNEY : What year?
WITNESS : Every year.

____________ _________ _________ _______

ATTORNEY : What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS : He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY : And why did that upset you?
WITNESS : My name is Susan.

ATTORNEY : So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
ATTORNEY : And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS : Uh....

ATTORNEY : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS : Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________ _________ _________ _____

ATTORNEY : The youngest son, the twenty-one year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS : Uh, he's twenty-one.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _

ATTORNEY : How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS : Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY : How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS : Forty-five years.

ATTORNEY : Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS : Would you repeat the question?
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY : She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY : How many were boys?
ATTORNEY : Were there any girls?
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS : By death.
ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated?
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS : He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female?
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY : ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY : Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY : Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "Great" he said:
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.